So, a friend of mine was saying I should write a blog about the many differences between men and women; her angle was how men are so lazy around the house,
don't close cabinets, throw away trash, etc. Of course, since we all know I have
no room to talk in the laziness area, I felt it best to not throw stones whilst stumbling about in my slovenly glass house.
I did get to thinking, however, about female behaviors of the bizarre kind. Being female and all, and having friends who are, well also female, I don't feel pretentious in the least by saying I deem myself to be an expert in this area. So I've compiled a nifty little list of some of the more...er, interesting things that we, the fairer sex, do.
- We poop in private. Sorry, I just have to put it out there, and there's no way to get around this one delicately....You know the deal. You're at work. You get that old familiar feeling. WTF? This shouldn't be happening! #2 is strictly for home, nowhere else!! Yet....That feeling is not going anywhere. Oh no. So. You head to the ladies room. Drat! Your coworker follows you in. You have moments to decide. Do you wait in awkward silence in The Stall At The End, hoping she's quick and doesn't put 2 and 2 together to figure out your subterfuge? Or do you quickly pretend to just wash your hands and leave? Assuming its option #1, what if, oh dreaded day, that co-worker is doing the same thing!! The two of you sitting there in silence, praying the other leaves quickly? Oh the horror! With that terrifying stale mate in mind, you of course chose option #2 (no pun intended). After a few laps around the office, you head back in. Seeing the welcome emptiness you hurry to that beacon of safety (yep, The Stall At The End), rush in and close the door. All the while, you hope no one comes in. You fret about it even. WHY???? Because we poop in private. Period.
- We talk about some inane shit. We can have serious, involved, multi-dimensional discussions on a whole range of minutiae. Case in point, yesterday I spent the better part of my day emailing back and forth with 2 of my girlfriends discussing our likes/ dislikes pertaining to the Twilight series. We are all educated, successful women, mind you (and modest too), so what gives? WHY are there so many girls on Twitter? DUH. It's like our version of heaven. An outlet to update our inane shit at any given time, and even initiate/ take part in conversations about said shit, sometimes with complete strangers. *Bliss*
- We are some bawdy, foul-mouthed, gutter minded folks. Get us in public, and we (hopefully - I'll save the rants on public displays of classlessness for another post) are the epitome of poised, cute lady-likeness. Oh sure, we may flirt a bit and even throw in a few carefully chosen double entendres, exhibiting just the right amount of sugar and spice, but we retain our Delicate Female Sensibilities. Get us in (even semi) private, and it's a whole 'nother Ball Game.... Just close your eyes, and remember some of the more colorful discussions you've enjoyed with your friends. I could list a few of the topics I remember (fondly, I might add) but I'd hate to alienate my small readership so soon. (Fair enough, the poop thing may have already done that!) But, in the interest of giving a personal example, I will say, that abstractly speaking I may or may not have partaken in a conversation recently that involved a very descriptive (and informative, apparently I am NOT in the know about what's going on these days!!) analysis of the...ahem...nature of a Pearl Necklace, and no, I'm not talking about the one Grandma gave me. Moving on.
- We like to drink wine and watch emotional movies at home by ourselves. Yes, it's true. I have so many fond memories, involving heavy hitting cinematic jewels such as Bend it Like Beckham (what, that was inspiring!), Sex and the City (God, when Carrie ran to Miranda's for midnight on NYE and they were playing that ridiculously melancholy version of Auld Lang Syne!!?!), Titanic, Once (Um, quite possibly the best romance since True Romance, and if you know me, that's saying something)...OK, so this is MY list, no matter how dorky, but you get the idea. You know you have yours.
- We like to ask our boyfriends/husbands/whatever's for their opinions on what we're wearing. Now, many of us are fortunate enough to have extremely sweet and understanding gentlemen who not only offer to take our pictures, but sometimes even give us blog ideas, etc. However. Though often willing, they simply do not posses the knowledge needed to help us on this journey. Believe me, I know the routine. I'm late for Girls' Night, yet have no idea if what I'm wearing is that perfect combination of sassy/ chic/ sexy/ unique that I'm going for. Ladies, you know what I mean. So, I head out into the living room, and ask my guy to tell me "How this looks". Cue reluctant turn from TV/ Computer/ Xbox/ watching paint dry. Cue the blank, somewhat vaguely amused yet determined to please head to toe perusal. Cue requisite answer "Oh that looks nice!" Um OK. I need more than that. Proceed to the part where I ask him if he's sure, and from every possible angle. Oh, and lest you think my man is just that agreeable, if he doesn't like it he says so - believe me. Cue me: "What about it do you not like?" and so on and so forth until I can understand exactly what it is. Dash back to room and change. Bring out 2nd option. Repeat. By this time poor guy is so confused and also starting to fidget. Finally resort to taking picture on cell phone and sending to girlfriends for approval.
- We are grimy. Pretty Little Princes we may be, but get us on a Saturday alone with no witnesses and a certain lazy inclination and I cannot promise you that our teeth will be brushed before mid afternoon, or that our dishes done (or even in the sink) within more than an hour of your eminent return. We aren't lounging around in slinky Victoria's Secret yoga pants with sassy camis...We're hanging out in your old basketball shorts and a T shirt with bleach stains. And burping....Out Loud. Believe it.
Ah, it's great to be a woman!
orange merino wool sweater: banana republic. cream w/ brown stars linen skirt: free people; brown cami: target; pearl/ quartz necklace: gift from my guy; boots: etienne aigner; bangle: forever 21
Can I just take a minute to mention that this is my favorite skirt. Like, ever. I own a million skirts or so, but this one is definitely my true love. Ruffles, starts, whimsical stitching. Perfect.
Sweater: Thrifted; Navy Blue Eyelet skirt: Thrifted; Necklace: Thrifted; Shoes: Arturo Chiang
Black Flouncy Skirt: Old Navy; White Tee w/ Black Lace: Behnaz Sarafpour for Target (Thrifted NWT); Crazy Comic Book Pumps: Ebay; Bangles: Forever 21
Grey Denim Skirt: Calvin Klein; Yellow Long Sleeved Tee: Target; Black Sheer Cardi: Banana Republic; Black Tights: H&M; Shoes with LIPS: Chie Mihara; Plastic Ring: ???
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